lonely

what does it mean to be lonely?
it feels like this:
every time you're home yet i'm alone.
so i sit by the window,
coaxing smoke,
out of dim lit cigarettes.
watch the chill break out of my skin,
and hope i can feel again.

i sit still in the tub,
as if on pause,
and listen to the water fall.

an ache, filled still 

with tepid water from the bath.

how do i still feel so unclean,

unsure and unredeemed,
with soap on the skin,
enclosed from heart to limbs?

now, now, it seems to be so,
my hands are trembling,
and i am alone.

you made me whole again.

lost in deserts
for some time
but you made me whole again.

dear friend,
i cannot comprehend
how you found me after so long.
and now i feel incomplete,
when you are no longer around.

dear friend,

for some time,

(some splendid little time)

you made me whole again.

apart

with eyes that tell how long we've been gone,
and hands that stick and skim,
we hold on to these heartstrings,
while tangled up, limb to limb.

Unfinished- 10/30/11

hello old friend

hello old friend
here you are again
coming from across
the river bend.

hello old friend,

you hold suns 

careless like dollar ones.

and every one

tells me you're no good,

no good for me. 

hello old friend,
is it now you see me?
years you've let me be,
just incomplete.
divide and replete.

hello old friend
did you think that now,
you can demand and disavow
all that i allow.
did you think that now,
i would listen?

after your song was
silent for long-time now
because of our loss of us.