snake skin.

we hold this world in our hands and try to keep it from flooding out, spilling over our fingers like rain. our lives are about survival (survival of the fittest, if you must). This is how I started to view my life. Like I've left behind the snake-skin of my past self, and what is left of me is the part that was strong enough to survive. we talk about moving forward, but we forget about the footprints we leave behind.

but i miss my shell, my safety. it made me stronger in different ways, teaching me caution and creativity and honest love. now all that's left the the parts that have not been skimmed off the top, the parts that have not been burned down like wax. the parts that have been strong enough to withstand the stress and pain. and i'm not sure if i like what is left.

i want me back.

simplicity.

I believe in simplicity. Truly I do. 

On most days, I believe in the simplicity of words. Stripped and washed cleaned of any extra padding, hung out to dry in the humid sun, where the descriptive and over-fluffed words melt into the air and disappear. I believe in the strength of a single word. And the strength of a period in ending a thought. I think saying

I love you.

is more powerful than saying a million words proclaiming how much you love someone. It is sweet and tender, and whenever I see those three words followed by a simple, happy period, I am overjoyed. Other people don't understand this part of me, instead they think I'm being short or abrupt. They don't see the sweetness of a few well-placed words. I think of words like God or Peace or Awe and I know, deep in my bones, the light and the beautiful music that accompanies those words.

I think this concept, for me, is derived by the way I see nature and life and the world around me.  My heart pounds when I see a lone tree in a field, or the small creek bustling over some rocks, or a little girl drawing smileys on the sidewalk. I remember seeing photographs of these quaint, beautiful farm houses. Where a girl walked through the corn fields. Where two girls laid down on the crisp grass and pointed at constellations. I remember the images of wild horses running on the sand, while the tide of the ocean rolls in.  I want to draw these moments in, form a patchwork quilt of memories sewn into my skin.  

In truth, I am a simple person. I think I could look at a river all day, and think about how a person saw it five, ten, twenty years ago. How where I'm standing a little boy once stood, learning about fly fishing from his father (who in turn had learned it from his father). I think of the way the river carved through the earth, etching its place in this world. And most of all, the river runs simply, moving through life in a gentle cascade of motion.

a tidbit about me.

because people always say i'm quiet. as if it's a bad thing. as if i had nothing to offer, because i was too shy, too repressed, too isolated. sometimes, i need someone to see the me i see. see that i am just a girl who looks at the world sometimes through starry eyes and at others, through weathered and experienced eyes. 


sometimes, i need people to understand that though i am quiet, i have things to say. i have thoughts, such beautiful thoughts, and perhaps, that is why i am quiet. i am lost in the comforting sea of my own colors, visions, and recollections. 


it is a good place to be.