golden renewal

i lay my head down, on hot sand
let the grains fall through my hand
feel the heat beneath my skin
crawling into my skin like fog
rising from the ground.

the sun, like waves and pulses
of humid sea water,
melts my cold, hardened skin
(tough from loneliness and bitter cold)
into a pliant sheet of
golden wax, slowly pours it over
a geometry of old weathered bones
and stretched, taut muscles.

and i am revived, made anew
newly stitched skin over crackling old bones,
lungs filled, expanding after frozen so long,
body all angles and awkward limbs,
soul glowing with gold.

physiology.

I have come to realize that physiology is all about balance and cause-and-effect. if one thing disturbs the inner peace that is your body, a mechanism, a motion, or an action is set forth to correct it. it's like a balancing act... teeter-totter, up and down, and around and around we go. everyday, we walk around without any concern for how we are living. or that with every breath we take, all the little cells in our body are dancing around frantically, moving things, holding onto precious things, letting go of the useless, ugly things in our lives.  and yet, in a moment, our body will fix itself. too much bicarb, or sodium, or potassium, or calcium or ADH or aldosterone, or any number of compounds, it's all under control. - on autopilot, cruise control. it's a well-oiled and experienced machine, with the responses already cocked and ready to fire. 


but the very essence of what makes us, well, us: our soul, our mind,our hearts, our character, our morality. whatever you want to call it. but that part of us, well, we have problems. we go through our whole lives fixing ourselves. we spend so much time patching up that broken heart, filling the empty hole in our soul, putting together the puzzle pieces of our sanity. we talk about our problems with therapists (or well meaning, but often times condescending, friends) until our throats are sore and our eyes are weary with tears. we write about the disappointments, the highs and lows. we spend energy, in volts and ounces and meters, thinking about that one moment over and over again. 


and i have come to realize that the two parts of us, physical and emotional, are two different halves of a whole. two twins that look nothing alike. on a normal day, our bodies are efficient, under control, functional. on a normal day, my mind would be lucky if it managed just one tiny moment of true functionality. 


-in general, i am just awed by our bodies, which does so much more in one day than I could ever hope to accomplish.