stop this, now.

here we are asking: can we go steady?
but in reality, all we are is unsteady.
we walk in crooked, curving lines
and ticket each other with outrageous fines
in between toothy smiles, we
find our hearts chained and locked up,
man, we've really fucked up.

so, stop this now!
is there a moment when a green light
meant that we were okay?
cause i've never been able to say
that okay equaled you plus me,
because all i do now is see,
the red light flashing overhead.

oh stop this now!
maybe we thought we'd hold on
but we're sleeping, and it's slipping over
the edges of our foundation cover
a soft quilt on trembling shoulders
easing open and making skin shudder.

oh, stop this now!
we were meant to cross now,
car horn clanging, telling us to go now,
we were meant to move on past now.
you can't expect me to wait now.
no, you can't.
because i can't.

so, stop this now!


--
okay, so I don't know if this is any good. This was more to express some anger/sadness/annoyance. I didn't even really read it over, just sat down and wrote it so maybe I could focus on other things today.

baby don't you see (we're an accident waiting to happen)

i'd rather get drunk and drive fast cars
self destruct than feel the hurt you hurt me with
better to pile in the scars and spare parts in a fancy little jar
than to let the cry bubble out when no one's hearing anyways

and i look back to memories of frantically running out
the back door barefoot in the cold and wind and rain,
lungs heaving, compressed under cries, this shout
building up in my chest waiting to break me apart.

and that day we were driving down a narrow lane,
and of hearing and feeling audible screams in the car
tremble and crash and torrent against window panes,
these words diffuse into my bones, cradled like a cancer
and all I do is, leap out in front of oncoming cars.

Today I am hurt, and unbalanced, and far from okay

I need a friend, and I thought that friend was you

Like a victim under an upturned car, this day

I am alone compressed under broken hurts.

so when a tree falls, and no one's around
do you hear it? (no, I dare say you don't, you don't)
so when I feel my feet sinking underground
will you see it? (no, but I'm falling under, under)
when I fall from your cutting words that surround,
will you hear it?

some one day, you'll drive me out of my head,
and i'll be hurt, drunk, and driving in the rain
then, will you notice that I am not in my bed?
or when my lonely little car crashes off a cliff,
will it take forever to find it in the ocean below?
will it take forever to find what you're looking for?

or will you stray away, not even care,
and thank god above that I am gone?

today.

i talk until my voice gets hoarse and crass, like sandpaper on sound waves. i see my words bouncing off your head, hyperactive buoyancy on a trampoline. the crescendo increases, comes to a wave's breaking point and tumbles over the rocks. i can't help myself, i just want to be heard. is that such a bad thing, to want you to listen to me? is it such a bad thing if i ask you to stop, stop it cause you're hurting me. and you don't seem to understand.

i talk until my voice dims down, and i can't speak anymore. you tell me to be quiet, you're making a scene, and soon i'm dumbed down. too hurt to care and much too hurt to talk anymore.