hate/love and all those breaks.

Basically, we parted on mutual terms. It truly was, and now, all he wants is me back. and i can't help but think that he's not genuine. cause the only times he tries is when he's tripped up in the lies. when he's hurt me so much that i can't feel the cuts because they're just too much. and how am i supposed to forgive, if all i know of him is all the things he did to let me down? i don't know. love only goes so far; the rest is responsibility, work, courage, wisdom. you can't just rely on the love to carry you through, like you're riding through life and maintaining the minimum you need to stay afloat.

baby don't you see (we're an accident waiting to happen)

i'd rather get drunk and drive fast cars
self destruct than feel the hurt you hurt me with
better to pile in the scars and spare parts in a fancy little jar
than to let the cry bubble out when no one's hearing anyways

and i look back to memories of frantically running out
the back door barefoot in the cold and wind and rain,
lungs heaving, compressed under cries, this shout
building up in my chest waiting to break me apart.

and that day we were driving down a narrow lane,
and of hearing and feeling audible screams in the car
tremble and crash and torrent against window panes,
these words diffuse into my bones, cradled like a cancer
and all I do is, leap out in front of oncoming cars.

Today I am hurt, and unbalanced, and far from okay

I need a friend, and I thought that friend was you

Like a victim under an upturned car, this day

I am alone compressed under broken hurts.

so when a tree falls, and no one's around
do you hear it? (no, I dare say you don't, you don't)
so when I feel my feet sinking underground
will you see it? (no, but I'm falling under, under)
when I fall from your cutting words that surround,
will you hear it?

some one day, you'll drive me out of my head,
and i'll be hurt, drunk, and driving in the rain
then, will you notice that I am not in my bed?
or when my lonely little car crashes off a cliff,
will it take forever to find it in the ocean below?
will it take forever to find what you're looking for?

or will you stray away, not even care,
and thank god above that I am gone?

now aren't you supposed to?

and now aren't you supposed to tell me what to do

peel our pasted smiles off and put on this make-up,

war paint so we don't have to see the heart break up,

push in and push out, come together, and tighten up

the bolts sagging in the paper thin metal around the

intersecting web of the lights that's holding us hanging

but blind and fighting, dark coming down banging

so that all we can see is - we're falling apart now.

baby, we've been playing house for a long time going

maybe we thought we could spend all time loving

but in the end, we're just been animals roving

without a home, hungry for food and moving along.

come, now, where's the honey that used to be in your eyes

when you looked up at my face? now all that lies

between us is the gaping space, between sun and sea.

.

imprint

when you leave, you take this part of me. and all that i have left is this imprint where it was supposed to be. i wish just once you would not just drift into my life, but stay. but now we're older, and my life is getting bolder and the world is turning colder, without you. and i wonder, once or twice, whether this is it. whether you will leave and drift away as free birds do. i think of me without that piece you hold, and think of me as a flower without its petals. you hold the beautiful parts of me. so now, if i ask, would you stay and close your eyes as we run in the rain, and try to feel once again? if we could weather any storm, we could weather this. don't fret, i know this time you'll leave, and this time with one last kiss. maybe in another time, i can tell you that i would have brought you the moon back, if you gave me your love as exchange. i would have burnt my hands holding the stars, all to see them glow in your eyes. maybe in time, the imprint you've left behind will no longer be a shadow, but a soft corner, like fond, cotton-like memories in a dream.

weathering the storm.

cool winter calms me down
ice smudging lines of expression
leaving behind a hardened impression
so, now i'm at a very peculiar place
and there's a world of room and space
between us now, and i hope i'll be alright.

i try to hold onto the thoughts of you
when the ice storm comes around
clench my toes in the snow covered ground
and hold on with all my sturdy might
as the wings of this celestial night
chase away echoes of our broken bond.

we are at the precipice of our souls
looking over the cliff at the sky below
our feet, shivering and shy like a doe,
inch forward and fall into the fallen night
and i feel the tides move in and fight
to pull me under, leave me to blunder.

we walk into the ice, into the light,
as the sun comes up, everything is broken
and there is not a word to be spoken
as we walk into the ice, into the light
we split paths, moving apart, but alright
now that we are alone.

now that i took back the pieces of my soul
that you callously kept away from me,
and i carefully connect the edges,
making them touch, again making me whole.