constellations

we laid our commiserations

to rest in the sand by our hands.

in the sky, we drew in constellations

that mapped out pathways up high

above the sullen, sunken land. 

fingers bronzed, and melded still

we lit the unlit lamps of the stars,

we nursed the young oil to flame until, 

it glowed like the embers of afar.  

on the sea puddled pools of backward suns

that sway and ripple like sounds on waves, 

linked to each other, one-by-one

and lit up, like the path our life has paved,
they hold hands until the night is done.

Waiting on the world to change.

I just think to myself, is this worth it? I could live day by day, just worried about making myself happy. I could be selfish and do something that doesn't require responsibility or duty. I could travel the world and take jobs at cafes and little bookstores, speaking stuttering French, Greek, Italian, with soft eyes filled with wonder. Oh my, look at this world around me. I don't even watch the news anymore, I hardly have time to read current events, and I hardly know what's going on in the world.

I think about the fact that for the last 21 years of my life, I've been waiting for my life to start. It seems I keep waiting, and telling myself, soon I'll have everything I want. Except when I'm a doctor, I'll have just as many restrictions as I do now, only different kinds. The kinds that mean others' lives.

Is that all life is? Waiting for the next big moment?

john mayer: 'I keep waiting, waiting for the world to change'