apart

with eyes that tell how long we've been gone,
and hands that stick and skim,
we hold on to these heartstrings,
while tangled up, limb to limb.

Unfinished- 10/30/11

hello old friend

hello old friend
here you are again
coming from across
the river bend.

hello old friend,

you hold suns 

careless like dollar ones.

and every one

tells me you're no good,

no good for me. 

hello old friend,
is it now you see me?
years you've let me be,
just incomplete.
divide and replete.

hello old friend
did you think that now,
you can demand and disavow
all that i allow.
did you think that now,
i would listen?

after your song was
silent for long-time now
because of our loss of us.

snake skin.

we hold this world in our hands and try to keep it from flooding out, spilling over our fingers like rain. our lives are about survival (survival of the fittest, if you must). This is how I started to view my life. Like I've left behind the snake-skin of my past self, and what is left of me is the part that was strong enough to survive. we talk about moving forward, but we forget about the footprints we leave behind.

but i miss my shell, my safety. it made me stronger in different ways, teaching me caution and creativity and honest love. now all that's left the the parts that have not been skimmed off the top, the parts that have not been burned down like wax. the parts that have been strong enough to withstand the stress and pain. and i'm not sure if i like what is left.

i want me back.

someone.

i hold these notes,
written out events of every time
you were something.
(oh, i know i shouldn't say
but you were something).

i fold them up, and place them
in the book on the top shelf.
pressed and ironed,
skim my fingers across the top
but not too rough
or it may fall apart and
all that i have will too.

regenerating.

now, i've never had my heart broken
but lately, i've been thinking maybe
you can have it broken when
it's already full of someone.

i hold this heart, fold it up,
put it in the laundry, and then, in the sun,
and hang this heart out to dry,
wrung and wore out from loving someone.

pulsing anew in my boned in cage,
i renew this old heart, regenerating,
(but they never heal completely)
they, these scars, they are complicating.

one day, my dear will realize
there are no more cells
to bring this lonely heart
bring it back to life.

old friends.

i wonder if you look for me, my friend
in all the places that you see.
do you see the color of my hand
when you walk out in the sea?

i think about you,
in the dawn or in the dark.
i hold on to those memories,
those memories of the park.
the smiles buried in bottles,
laughter locked up in suitcases,
and hidden behind the lonely trees
are our secrets and embraces.

and, you are my childhood,
and it seemed to grow too fast.
we grew fast apart
and could never make this last.
i wonder if you look older,
or if you are that girl in my memory,
who thought dreams were oceans,
and wishes were fishes in the sea.

so i wonder if you look for me?
as i now look in all these places
and search for you in their faces
because in these empty spaces,
you're the only one I can place
who ever held my hand.

you are.

you are, you are, my summer shine
you are, you are, my world divine.