baby don't you see (we're an accident waiting to happen)

i'd rather get drunk and drive fast cars
self destruct than feel the hurt you hurt me with
better to pile in the scars and spare parts in a fancy little jar
than to let the cry bubble out when no one's hearing anyways

and i look back to memories of frantically running out
the back door barefoot in the cold and wind and rain,
lungs heaving, compressed under cries, this shout
building up in my chest waiting to break me apart.

and that day we were driving down a narrow lane,
and of hearing and feeling audible screams in the car
tremble and crash and torrent against window panes,
these words diffuse into my bones, cradled like a cancer
and all I do is, leap out in front of oncoming cars.

Today I am hurt, and unbalanced, and far from okay

I need a friend, and I thought that friend was you

Like a victim under an upturned car, this day

I am alone compressed under broken hurts.

so when a tree falls, and no one's around
do you hear it? (no, I dare say you don't, you don't)
so when I feel my feet sinking underground
will you see it? (no, but I'm falling under, under)
when I fall from your cutting words that surround,
will you hear it?

some one day, you'll drive me out of my head,
and i'll be hurt, drunk, and driving in the rain
then, will you notice that I am not in my bed?
or when my lonely little car crashes off a cliff,
will it take forever to find it in the ocean below?
will it take forever to find what you're looking for?

or will you stray away, not even care,
and thank god above that I am gone?

machine of sin.

this evanescent skeleton will dance

with a bottle of hardened gin

burn through life with the operation of

thundering together a machine of sin.

and it says,

"steady on, stilted blackbird, when 

all you do is fuse a hand to the safety

of the still harbor, but bloom on the bend

of this misnomer and you will crash in. 

you'll never experience the liquid swim 

of moving through waves, free of chains.
instead rustle in your gilded cage and complain
of clipped and tattered and tarred wings.

"and maybe one day my bones will

rattle in a jar, soaked and seeped in regret
but at least they have moved, so still,
your stagnant wings, you are caught.

"for now i will let life echo its call

and drive too fast without fear of a fall

dance through the cast shadows with 

other lost and lonely's, hoping to find

myself in the blue smoke and mist

with a sliver of knowledge that yields

the answer to the questions in me.
in time, and poise and maturity, you'll
realize, that perhaps you should've let me be
and kept your long static scorn
tucked in your wings like unwanted thorns."

held your world (i'd keep it safe)

i held your world in my hands,
and said I'd keep it safe for you
Let its secrets blend into my skin
like a million dozen tattoos.

and now all the sunbursts are
shooting from my fingers and
now the veins in my arms come
alive with the glow of your name

are we in the place that we met?
in the forest, surrounded by the sets
of fallen trees and mold melodies
oh, how they hold onto to me!

there, i see bright birds in your world
they fly into my lonely eyes and
imbue them with the color of their plume
fill the air with scent of your perfume




....

still a work in progress

love lullaby.

cause in time, in time, in time, in time
there will be a moment
when you'll always be mine
when we can always keep pace
and hold onto this wonderful place
oh slow now, honey-pop, sugar-rain
this is not a "heartbeat-fast" race
to the end - no, it's just the beginning.

cause baby, in time, in time, in time, in time,

you'll hold my hand like

you can see into my mind.

we'll be two hearts, one body combined

holding eyes like honey and dew

out from under the something new

into the middle of the great big blue -

oh, no we're climbing - high into the sky.

do-do, do-do, do do do 

yea we're climbing, high into the sky. 

tin chest.

i write a million things about you and me and,
us together - but all you think is that i don't care
to weather, the storm and to cry when you fight. like
a feather - i give up too easily and much too soon,
all i am, is what you see when i try to cover up the hurt
and to you, i will always be a someone
with a tin chest and a missing heart.

now aren't you supposed to?

and now aren't you supposed to tell me what to do

peel our pasted smiles off and put on this make-up,

war paint so we don't have to see the heart break up,

push in and push out, come together, and tighten up

the bolts sagging in the paper thin metal around the

intersecting web of the lights that's holding us hanging

but blind and fighting, dark coming down banging

so that all we can see is - we're falling apart now.

baby, we've been playing house for a long time going

maybe we thought we could spend all time loving

but in the end, we're just been animals roving

without a home, hungry for food and moving along.

come, now, where's the honey that used to be in your eyes

when you looked up at my face? now all that lies

between us is the gaping space, between sun and sea.

.

true talent

This verse by Lewis Carroll is remarkable for more than its melancholy:

It can be read both “across” and “down.”

my songbird heart.

deep in my heart, where the song birds fly, there is this churning

because in this forest, the birds are hearing a call, a yearning

to be away from here, to seek, to find something to become.

to recover the path to the promised land and simply glide along,

but my bones are brittle and weak, drained from being me

and my marrow thin and depleted -- when i try to fly, i see

the fastly approaching ground. then down down down,

i fall like the leaf wavering in the air-lifted, sudden shroud

caught up, left behind, and longing for some destiny to wrap

its wings around me. 

maybe someday, my heart will find its flock

and move like one forward and beyond in a shock of 

bold feathers and beaks and trilling heart-songs filled with love,

soar to the south towards the breaking skies and dawning dusks

maybe then i will find the nest i have been coveting, 

and the song i wish to sing, forming this melody of horizons
into the life i dream, resting there upon the uptilted dawn, drawn
like an artist paints the world with the colors of the sea,

and simply just be. 

king of anything.

you walk across the earth
as if you were the king of anything
feel the ground beneath you fall away with
your every move, your every step;
courage of the lion, with your mane of power
you move with the trees, as if you knew their sway
do you climb across the moors and the valley
and close your eyes when the sky bows to you,
presents you with stars brighter than your light
so that you may see in the darkest of nights?
do you own this feeling, of living without fear,
and hold it to your heart, like a child in your arms
feel its pounding heartbeat against your own
the rhythm of two together, like a melody?
you walk as if there is a crown atop your crown
as the sun, burnt out, shimmers and falls down
with strength, you walk into the ocean, into the sea,
and then into all the unimaginable things that could be,
and you place your footprint on its soil,
claiming this piece of the sullen world as your own
still shining as the moon once shone.